Grouchy Golf Blog

Grouchy Golf welcomes your grouchy golf observations. If you have a grouchy golf observation that you would like to be posted on Grouchy Golf, please email it to the address in the sidebar. Remember, all submissions become the property of Grouchy Golf. Submissions chosen for publication may be edited for length and clarity.

The following grouchy golf observation was submitted by an anonymous grouchy golfer. I think that all golfers can relate to his story. I sure know that Darren Clarke does!

Shanks a Lot!

A little background - I am a 4 handicap, and over the winter my swing had become "unorthodox". I started standing closer to the ball, with less hip sway etc. The changes were amazing and I started playing some amazing golf. I was getting under par during some rounds, but I was just having a little trouble scoring. No biggy.

Well a week ago it all suddenly went to the crapper. I showed up at the range one day before a round and hit hosel rockets with everything. I headed out to the course and it was as if they were not there. They came and went for a few more days. Then on Saturday, I shanked so many I shot 49 on the front nine of my home course. I came back with a 37, and thought they were through. Next day I hit a few more but nothing bad.

First day of my tournament came, on Monday. I was a little nervous about shanking, but nothing came up, and I was 1 over on the front nine. I hit some more lack luster irons on the back, but nothing major round, for a 43, and an 80. I was very disappointed.

Second day was yesterday. No range at the course so no warm up. I hit a 3 wood right down the pipe on the opening short par 5. I then heeled a 3 wood so bad off the deck it dribbled into the hazard about 30 yards ahead of me. I dropped, hit two shanks, and ended up with a triple bogey. Next hole I hit a driver so far off the heel. Punched out, and had 140 to the flag. I hit another shank, flubbed a chip, and three putter for a triple. I heeled another drive on the next hole, and had to lay up. I then shanked a gap wedge and made another triple. I started with 3 triples. Next hole I actually hit a somewhat flush drive, landed in a divot, hit into another divot next to the green made bogey. I then bogeyed the next par 3. I then made a par on a par 5. Then I made an 8 on a par 3, shanking a few O.B. I ended up with a 54 on the front nine. At that point I almost just through my clubs in a lake and walked in. I decided to forge ahead, and shot a shank filled 40 on the back.

I went and played today and was probably around 50 for nine holes before quitting. I am seriously thinking of just walking away from golf for the first time in my life. I am not having any fun right now.

Labels: Shanks, Viewer Mail

An incredible thing happened to the best golfer in the world during the 3rd round of last week's NEC Invitational. As usual, Tiger was missing fairways all day. Heck, he missed it so bad on one hole he nailed a poor kid just above his right eye. Not good since Firestone is a course where you must hit the fairway to have any chance for a birdie. So, on the easy 400 yd. par-4 17th hole, Tiger decided to tee off with his ultra-reliable 2-iron to guarantee a fairway.

Well, guess what? He shanked it! In knee-jerk reaction, I yelled, "Hoseltov!" at the TV in gleeful amazement. The ball caroomed right and hit a hospitality tent, startling the poor people inside. They must have thought someone accidentally let a hack onto the course.

Is it any coincidence that Tiger is good friends with Darren Clarke, Lord of the Shanks? A coincidence that my last golf blog post covered Mr. Clarke? I think not.

Unfortunately, CBS didn't capture Tiger's ultra-rare disaster on SwingVision. But here's a post-impact shot:



The next time Tiger says his swing is "close" I hope someone asks him "close to what?" I'm sure we'd all like the answer to that.

Labels: Shanks, Tiger Woods

I have enjoyed countless servings of bangers, haggis and pints O'Guinness at my favorite Irish pub, Lucky Baldwin's. Sadly, I have now decided never to venture there again.

Why? Well, it's not the food or the service. They have some of the best Irish food and drink outside of Dublin and everyone knows that the Irish are some of the nicest people around. No, it's a much more serious concern: the Shanks.

I have begun to suspect that my long bout with this dreadful affliction is a result of my exposure to anything Irish. My hypothesis was confirmed last weekend during the 3rd round of the 2004 PGA Championships at Whistling Straits. Darren Clarke, the top Irish golfer, cold shanked his iron on the par-3 17th hole. Not only is it shocking that a professional could hit such a horrendous shot, it continues a remarkable trend:

• It all began 7 years ago during the final round at the 1997 Open Championship at Royal Troon when Clarkey shanked a three-iron tee shot at the 2nd hole.
• Then, at this year's 68th Masters, Clarke did it again on the par-4 9th hole.
• The trend only accelerated as Clarke shanked the 5th hole tee shot at the 2004 Scottish Open at Loch Lomond.
• Just one week later, Clarkey did it again with a chip shot at the 133rd Open Championship at Royal Troon.

Is it just a coinidence that this guy also part-owns a racing horse named "Shank On Fourteen?" No, it is quite clear that this man is the Lord of the Shanks.

Interestingly, CBS happened to capture Clarke's latest debacle on super-slo-mo "SwingVision". Check out the ugliest shot in golf:



Key screen shots:

Labels: Shanks, SwingVision, Videos

I'll always remember reading about how Tiger's Mizuno MP-14 irons (before he was paid to play equipment) all had a dime-sized wear spots smack dab on the sweet spot. Unfortunately, I've noticed that the wear spots on my irons happen to be all over the face, including the hosel. Yes, the hosel. In other words, I have a bad case of the $hanks(I dare not spell out the actual word as it will certainly spread to you, the reader)!

Anyone who's ever gotten the case of the $hanks, knows the misery of this affliction. Unfortunately, there is no known 100% remedy.

The $hanks hit me for the first time about 2 months ago while I was golfing in San Diego (Torrey Pines and Barona) with some friends. The trip started out great as my "A" game surfaced at the Torrey Pines South Course to produce a legit 84 from the white tees (6,885 yards) in conditions last seen in the movie, "The Perfect Storm." Torrential rain and winds actually halted our play for about an hour. After my magical round, I thanked the Golf Gods and sacrificed one of my Pro V1s to appease them.

The next day, we played Barona. I shared a cart that day with my buddy Anthony, a low single-digit handicap. Things began much like the previous day with my "A" game still intact, carrying me even par through the first two holes. I thought, "Damn, I am finally becoming a good golfer just like Anth!" The Golf Gods must have heard my over-confidence. On the 3rd hole, both me and Anth hit good drives within 10 yards of each other with about 150 yards to the pin. Anth hit first, but shockingly full on $hanked his 7-iron about 20 yards dead right! I stood there in disbelief, wondering how this could happen to such an accomplished golfer. This is a dude who once played on a college golf team. I was thinking, "If the $hanks can happen to Anth, then it could damn well happen to me" as I setup for my next shot. With that thought penetrated deep within my psyche, I also $hanked my 7-iron.

The disease seemed to spread in epidemic fashion as my buddy John exhibited preliminary symptoms on the next hole with a topped fairway wood (it would have been a $hank if fairway woods had exposed hosels). Our friend Larry noticed the rapid spread of the apparent airborne virus and kept a safe distance from all of us. Luckily, he was spared.

At the time, I thought that the $hanks would only be a brief phenomenon. You know, something that would vanish after a good night's rest. I couldn't be more wrong. Virtually every round that I have played since, I have $hanked a shot. I've tried to fix it at the range, only to $hank it with more frequency. Recently, I have nightmares where I'm on course to shoot a 58, only to $hank my approach shot on the last hole into the drink. I think I now have a pretty good idea what Finchy went through in the mid 1990s.

I've heard that President Bush is focused on the development of next generation weapons systems. Based on my experience, I recommend that Bush look at weaponizing the $hanks. It is truly a dangerous and undefeatable force. Look what it did to Darren Clarke!

Labels: Shanks