Grouchy Golf Blog

Monday, June 13, 2005 at 9:10 AM

U.S. Open - The Devil's Golf Tournament?

Right after the Masters, the U.S. Open is my favorite PGA golf tournament. The reasons are many, but they all boil down to making the greatest golfers in the world look like us, common everyday hacks. Who can forget last year's unbelievable playing conditions at Shinnecock? You couldn't get a golf ball covered in pine tar and tacks to hold the ridiculously hard and slick greens. When players finally did get their balls on the greens, they frequently putted them back off the green!

This year, the U.S. Open will take place at Pinehurst #2, the same location of the dramatic 1999 U.S. Open where Payne Stewart emerged victorious over Phil Mickelson. While the course appears open and forgiving, it proved to be a worthy U.S. Open venue.Pinehurst #2 is a deceptively long 7,200+ yard par 70 track characterized by dome-shaped greens designed to reject golf balls much like the scalp of Golf World's Tim Rosaforte rejects hair (but the chicks dig it Rosie!). Scott Verplank called the setup of the greens "borderline sadistic." They drove John Daly so mental that he actually hit his moving ball in frustration after twice failing to putt his ball onto the 8th green. He ended up scoring an 11 for the hole, wrecking his chances after contending for 36 holes. It even got to mild-mannered Jose Maria Olazabal. After an especially maddening round, he pulled a Russell Crowe and broke his hand trying to poke holes in his hotel room walls with his fist.

But the USGA still doesn't think that Pinehurst #2 is tough enough. For the 2005 U.S. Open, the USGA plans to lengthen the course and increase the speed of the greens from ridiculously fast to regodamndiculously fast. All of this adds up to a golf course that only the Devil could conceive.

So who will tame this golf beast from hell? Whoever can do the following are good bets:

• Drive the ball a mile - There are many par 4s that approach 500 yards. Relatively speaking, there won't be much of a penalty hitting out of the rough. With the crazy greens, the closer you can get, the better.


• "Flight" approach shots to the green - To have any chance at holding the greens, towering approach shots that drop from the heavens are a must.


• Exhibit short game mastery - Missing greens will be the norm. Short game wizards will have a huge advantage.


• Read the greens and putt accurately - There are no easy putts at a U.S. Open, and Pinehurst #2 is no exception. Can you say 11.5 on the Stimpmeter? That speed, combined with the shape of the greens, will provide a stern test.


• Be mentally prepared for psychological warfare- The setup of the course will drive golfers crazy. Odds are good for another Daly-like blowup. So count out Daly.

I guess all this means that Tiger will win the 2005 U.S. Open. But we all know about the absurdity of this stupid game. At 20-1 odds, I like the guy with the hottest wife on tour, David Toms. He fixed his wrist, dumped his agent, and is back to playing some great golf. Toms is a proven major winner with the total game peaking at the right time. If he gets in a zone, he could pull it out.

Labels: U.S. Open

 woundedduck said...

One other quality the winner will exhibit--one that is out of his hands completely, but nonetheless important--is incredible luck. If the greens are stupidly fast, like at Shinnecock's #7 last year, the pros will employ the "swing and hope" approach to golf--make a good swing and hope it turns out all right. This isn't the best way to decide the winner, but it's how the USGA likes it.  

~

 CB said...

So Toms has a hot wife? I've never seen her and your link is blocked by my work internet provider... kudos to you.

By the way, Tiger has a pretty hot wife as well and in a clear example, of 'there is a God,' she has an identical twin.

No matter who's wife you have unclean thoughts about you are perfectly correct in enjoying the Open. I love watching those guys struggle once in a while.  

~

 Erik @ The Sand Trap said...

11.5 really isn't that fast. My home course is regularly 10 to 11. US Opens are typically 12-13.  

~

 Golf Grouch said...

Erik,

You are right. But 11.5 at Pinehurst is especially fast for that course with those dome-shaped greens.

I can't imagine how fast that will be, especially considering the greens at my local muni probably maxes out at a 2.5. Last week, they were aerating the greens and I swear I had to hit driver on the greens to get the ball to the hole.  

~

 CB said...

You should try playing a Seattle Muni off-season. Our greens may run in the negative in February and March. I remember playing a winter 9 and the drizzle turned to hail on the 7th hole. By the 8th the ball was rolling and bouncing over ice but I swear the putt was quicker...  

~

 dave said...

That first statement says it all. I never miss this one because of that very reason. I like to see them work and usually they must work real hard to survive! We also get to witness their ability they seldom have to display in other tournaments.  

~

 Wedgehead said...

CB, you should come down to play my home course, Maplewood. Fastest greens in Seattle area year round.  

~

 CB said...

Would love to. I've heard nice things about your course but West Seattle is so close to home, I don't venture away often enough.  

~

 K Jones said...

I, too, love to see them thrashing around in the weeds. Hey, they all have to play the same track. I just think the winner is the guy that doesn't make the egregious mistake. That being said, I like Toms as well or even Mr. Goosen. He is just steady as she goes. If we take the hot chick factor as being an influence, then Tom Lehman and Phil Mickelson should have great weeks. Ditto for Tiger. Hey, if you are a golf professional and you're in this field, you had better have a hot wife.  

~

 woundedduck said...

There should be a PGA trophy wife fantasy league.  

~

 richard said...

Just passing along that I put together a pretty comprehensive list of golf blogs including yours at www.golfSLO.com.

Also, make sure to check out the U.S. Open's Blog this weekend at www.usopen.com/blog/.  

~

 CB said...

Woundedduck is really on to something with the hot wife fantasy league.

As for the winner of this thing, who can land it softer from tie lies and the crap than Tiger? I hate not having a 'dark horse' pick but I don't see anyone else hanging in there. I say he grinds out a two stroke win and cards a 4 or 5 under doing it.  

~

 woundedduck said...

CB,
If puts his standard 5 drives per round in the woods and/or trees, even his great skills won't keep him at the top of the leaderboard. Plus, at the Master, the gods may have given him all the luck he's going to get. He's going to contend in all the majors for the rest of his career, but he'll never be the golfer he was in 2000.  

~

 CB said...

Woundedduck,

I do like Tiger. I certainly understand those who don't, after all, I hate Duke basketball.

That said, I don't understand how anyone can, or cannot, say he'll never be what he was. After all, the public (including most sports writers) didn't see a brief repeat performance of it in April. To tie the record for consecutive birdies and later refer to his golf as 'beautiful' at Augusta must have something to behold. I know I'm still pissed I only got to hear Scott Van Pelt talk about it.

My point is I don't know what his game will be in the future but I certainly hope it gets back to that level. The same way I hope a guy I'm playing with knocks it stiff and buries the putt. I love great golf. Look how his run made the other guys that much better. How can that be a bad thing?

He ain't straight off the tee these days, no doubt. I still love the scramble, I love the creativity, and I love the grind. That is why I love watching all 156 of these guys at the Open.

As for this year's Open, he is one over going into the weekend and three back. He stayed close today with a putting stroke like mine. So the field might want to hope he doesn't sort that out. I hope he does, and I hope the Goose keeps throwing darts at these greens (unbelievable). Everyone talks about dream pairings on Sunday. This year, that is mine.  

~

 woundedduck said...

CB,
Jack Nicklaus won 18 majors, and came in second in at least as many. So he was a serious contender in half of the majors in a 20 year stretch, and Tiger isn't duplicating that. I think the difference between Niklaus and Tiger is that Nicklaus never "rebuilt" his swing. He knew he had a solid swing and just worked to maintian what he had. Tiger, to the contrary, is trying to make an insanely good swing insanely better, and that isn't possible. What does Tiger think he can do--win or come in 2nd at 75% of majors? That is not humanly possible, and for him to think he can do better than Niklaus--and not because Niklaus was a "better" golfer than Tiger, but based purely on his statistical performance--shows that Tiger's expectations are unrealistic and doomed to failure.  

~

 Steve said...

True to your prediction, Tiger is.... well.... stinking out the joint. I guess what you said about difficult courses applies to him, but not to those who actually play under par.

-Steve
Games are for Children  

~

 CB said...

Yeah you guys were all right. Tiger stunk up the joint. He can never be what he was. He'll never win 18 majors. He will die poor and lonely in a van down by the river.

After all, what a disgrace to finish second in the US Open. Obviously he can't hit the ball any straighter than a 15 handicapper as he only hit 28 out of 36 GIR on the weekend. I'm sure his game is so far down the toilet there is no hope of repair.

After he laps the field at the British I wonder if his fragile sense of self-confidence will be able to deal with only winning two of three majors with a 2nd at the Open.

I just had one question for Steve, who played under par this week?  

~

Post a Comment

© Golf Grouch 2006